The Pattern Trap

Growing up, my mom watched a lot of home decorating/ home improvement shows (you know, the stuff on channels like HGTV) and from time to time the whole family would watch along with her. There was one particular show, one particular episode of a show, I don't remember what it was called, hosted by a very effiminate man named Christopher Lowell in which he discussed the disasterous decorating faux pas of the "Pattern Trap," the continued use of one pattern throughout an entire room's decor. For some reason, I have a feeling it had something to do with the repulsion in Christopher Lowell's voice as he squealed about the horrors of the dreaded Pattern Trap, it stuck with my dad, my sister and I, and we adopted the phrase into our family in relation to pretty much anything, but usually to get out of doing things like organizing, re-loading the dishwasher, etc. (I have a feeling that most people don't have to deal with re-loading a dishwasher, so I will explain- my sister and I have never been very good at efficiently loading the dishwasher- out of pure laziness really- and therefore would often be charged with re-loading it... to which, thanks to Christopher Lowell, we would respond, "I would, but I don't want to fall into a Pattern Trap.")

ANYWAYS, I bring up the Pattern Trap because I fear that I have fallen into one- not in relation to decor, of course, but in my actions. If you look at my December blog posts from last year, you will notice that there really aren't any. And, when I finally got back to blogging in January, I admitted that between the holiday season, the frigid cold, and getting sick, I hadn't done much running (or blogging for that matter). Well, my friends... I feel a Pattern Trap coming on. This December started out alright. I managed to get in a couple long runs, kept up my fitness on the arc trainer when I was hurt. But then the holidays got into full swing- eating and drinking with friends seemed so much more appealing than running- it got cold, it snowed a lot, and I got sick. On top of all that, I didn't write one blog entry for almost an entire month. In my defense, I've been trying, at least on the running front, a lot harder than I did last year. I have at least attempted running, but being sick/ injured didn't do me many favors and what runs I have gotten in have been painful, slow and all around difficult. Overall, December has been pretty much a failure on the training front.

I wouldn't be so upset about this little slump if it weren't for the fact that I have a half marathon to run at the end of January, on which my faith in my ability to ever have another good race again precariously rests. Which brings me to yet another Pattern Trap that I've gotten myself caught in... the one where I am running really well for months leading up to a race until about a month out from race day when my legs unexpectedly decide to crap out on me and don't recover until the day after said race. I don't know if it's a mental thing, or a physical thing, but whatever it is, I don't like it.

This whole Pattern Trap thing shouldn't/ doesn't really come as much of a surprise to me. I've been the mark of consistency my entire life- caught in an eternal Pattern Trap, if you will. My life, for the most part, is based around routine, pattern, and habits (I wonder if that's why I find running with no planned route so liberating...) Regardless, I've never really seen much of a downside to my routine until now.

Which brings me to last night. I got home from the airport after my Christmas trip to Chicago around 5:30 and decided to give running another shot (I had tried the day before to do a long run and failed miserably with a brutal 3 miles). I threw on my running clothes, laced up my sneaks, and headed out the door, all the while cursing my legs, and the Pattern Traps that I had convinced myself I had fallen victim to. I ran over to the river to do a loop... undecided as of yet the exact distance that I was going to do. Laboring through the first mile, I got to thinking that maybe this run wasn't the best idea. But then, just as I hit the pavement next to the river behind the Sonesta Hotel, just past the Museum of Science, I felt my body suddenly fall into rhythm. I picked up speed slightly and was delighted to find the movements felt comfortable, and familiar. Settling into a pace that felt difficult, but not overly strenuous, I found peace in the pattern-like motions of my arms and legs. This particular pattern, though, felt nothing like a trap, but rather like a release of all of the pent up frustration and disappointment that I felt about the last month's (lack of) running.

Maybe last night's run was merely a fluke, a random good run in the midst of horrible ones, or maybe the traps are all in my head and I've had that run in me all along, who knows. But what I do know is that after all of my moaning and groaning, the tears (yes, I cried after a particularly frustrating run), the aches and pains, the sitting inside during the blizzard, and the skipping of runs in favor of holiday fun, all it took to break me of my Pattern Trap blues was a return to my old standby river loop and the rhythm of my legs finally working in harmony with the rest of my body. So, I still lost a month of decent training... there's not much I can do about that now. I can only do my best for January and hope that my body stays strong and is ready to run at the end of the month. And as for the Pattern Trap where I have a horrible time in races whenever it's hot outside... I'm already praying for a cold front in Miami on the 25th...

I've been doing a lot more eating than running...

Let me first start this by saying that I love love love eating. I do it a lot, and I don't eat all that healthfully. Sure, I'll eat a salad every now and again, a few veggies, maybe some fruit, but I certainly would not call myself health conscious, at least as far as my eating habits go. My favorite food group is that tiny one on the top of the food pyramid that you're supposed to "eat sparingly," I believe they classify it as "Fats, Oils and Sweets." Yum. (FYI when I was looking up the name of the section of the food pyramid I found out, much to my dismay, that they have redesigned the food pyramid. The "Fats, Oils and Sweets" section isn't even on there! For this reason, I'm sticking with the old guide) Anyways, my fondness of all things bad for me makes my running hobby all the more convenient. I eat a lot of crap, but I run it off so it's a-okay (my doctor would probably hit me for saying that).

So this all brings me to the past long weekend which I spent in Chicago with my family for Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving, as you could probably guess, is one of my favorite holidays because it revolves around, you guessed it, eating- especially in my family. So eat I did. And not just on Thanksgiving. All weekend long I stuffed myself full of delicious food that I would never ever cook for myself at home in Boston because it involves more work than putting it in the microwave. And then I came back to Boston and it was my birthday and I ate some more, and I threw some drinks in there too because, well, it was my birthday. All of this eating, and, aside from a great 7 mile run on Monday night, very minimal exercise. I even, in an act of sheer desperation, attempted to wake up and run before work this morning. Of course, I was too sleepy and lethargic from all of the food and wine I had last night to actually get out of bed so I just turned off my alarm and went back to sleep. And now I find myself here on Wednesday, with very few prospects of times to run or go to the gym for the rest of the week, and I feel... gross, really gross.

I'm not one to stress about being fat or skinny. I, like a lot of people, had issues with weight and body image etc. at one point in my life, but, for the most part, I'm over all of that. I owe a lot of that to running because rather than worrying about what my body looks like, I've figured out it's much more important what it feels like- whether during a run or just sitting around. When I'm training or just staying on top of my running, my body feels strong and healthy. When I'm sitting around all of the time and stuffing my face with cookies, well... it doesn't feel so hot. But, the good thing about all of this is, I have the power to change it. Sure, this week is a little crazy and there isn't a lot of time to run or exercise, but I know I'll be back on track next week and hopefully back to feeling good again. Until then, I'll just have to live with feeling a little sluggish and lazy and get a run in when I get the chance... and maybe limit my cookie intake over the next couple of days...

Happy Birthday to Me

A lot of people think that voluntarily running 26.2 miles is crazy. A lot of people think that running that far as well as committing yourself to raise $17,000 is totally insane. Nevermind how crazy it is that as a member of DFMC you not only apply to be a member of the team, but you also pay money to endure 7 months of training culminating in 4 hours of pain (aka the marathon). Granted, along with the lengthy training season and brutal race, you also get training/ injury advice from the one and only Jack Fultz, a super snazzy DFMC singlet, and the chance to spend tons of time with the coolest people around- but all of that, good and bad, doesn't come cheap. So, this year, for my birthday, which was yesterday, I asked for DFMC as my present, and my dad happily obliged (thanks Dad!) May the training season be long and frigid, the beers full and cold, and the runs and post-runs be filled with fun and laughter... this is one birthday present that's going to last me all year. Happy Birthday to me.

Going nowhere fast

There is nothing quite so frustrating as moving your legs frantically for an hour and never actually going anywhere. This has only recently occurred to me as I've spent the past week cooped up in the gym on the god-forsaken arc trainer. The truth is, before I was much of a runner, back in college, I was a total gym rat- I logged countless hours on the treadmill and the elliptical machine in Holy Cross's little, stiflingly hot gym. I just wanted to burn a few calories, I was certainly not looking to get anywhere. Little did I know just what I was missing out on...

There is a certain joy that I get from feeling my legs propel me over the ground; a certain sense of accomplishment that I get from watching the pavement escape behind me from underneath my Asics; a certain pride I get from my feet touching as many different areas of the city as possible.  As much as the arc trainer may be able to simulate for your muscles what it feels like to run, it can never simulate for your body and mind the feeling of covering ground.  I'm still following Jack's prescribed time off of running, but I would be lying if I said I was enjoying it.  Only a few more days and I'm back on the roads...

Trying to listen for once

Yesterday Jack told me that I need to take two weeks off of running to help take care of a nagging muscle strain in my left thigh. It was not what I wanted to hear. In fact, I didn't even want to talk to him about it because I knew what his solution would be. But, my muscle truly has been bothering me, so much so that yesterday after getting home from the first timer's run, I resigned myself to the fact that I would be logging some quality time on the arc trainer for the next couple of weeks. And then I woke up this morning...

I'd be lying if I said that when I woke up today, the first thing I thought to myself wasn't, "How long of a run should I do today?" The sun was slightly peaking out from behind light clouds and I could feel the unseasonably warm breeze coming through my window- the day was calling to me to get out there and run (it's funny how quickly I forget about things when I don't really want to do them). Of course, I'm not a morning runner, so, I put on my running clothes, threw on my trusty HC sweatshirt, and took my computer down to the coffee shop for some caffeine, a muffin, and some quality time with my mailing list of potential DFMC donors. After a couple of hours, I decided to head home and clean my room for a bit and then I'd head out on my run. It was noticeably colder on the short walk back up to my apartment than it had been only a couple of hours earlier. And by the time I finally felt like doing something active, it seemed that the temperature had dropped almost 15 degrees including the wind chill. It was downright freezing! I thought about my options, changed into sweatpants, tossed my shorts in a bag and headed over to the gym.

So, while my intentions were not good, I did end up following Jack's advice on the no running thing today. I put in a solid hour on the arc trainer, and I actually felt pretty good about it. While I was working out, I got to thinking about why I'm so stubborn when it comes to running. I mean, it's something that I complain about doing constantly, yet when someone tells me that I shouldn't do it, it's all I can do to keep myselt from tying my Asics up right then and there and going for a 10 mile run. I know part of my issue is that I have worked so hard to get into the running shape that I am in now that I'd hate to lose it, and somewhere in my head the ONLY way to stay in that shape is to keep on running- injured or not. Sure, I know that's not entirely true, but you try reasoning with my head.

Regardless of my crazy head though, I do recognize the importance of letting myself get better and not continuing to agitate my muscle until I make it much worse. I'm hoping that by saying here on my blog that I plan to take at least a week off of running (Jack said two I know... I'm taking baby steps here) I will feel accountable and I will actually do it. I can get some quality workouts in on the arc trainer (while trying not to go insane with boredom while I'm at it) and, hopefully sooner rather than later, my leg will be back to its good old self again and I will be back on the roads. Until then, I'll be counting the days that I'm stuck in the gym, and hoping that the weather stays unappealing enough not to tempt me to run.

First Timer's Run

Yesterday morning, I was lucky enough to go to the First Timer's Run for DFMC even though I am neither first timer, nor DFMC board member, the usual attendees of this particular run.  I remember so vividly waking up that morning last year, butterflies in my stomach, driving (and getting lost on the way) over to the Mt. Auburn Club, nervously getting out of my zipcar and meeting Shifter at the end of the parking lot wearing a Holy Cross sweatshirt, anxiously putting on my running shoes and stretching out my legs for the run ahead, running the last of the run with Shifter, then meeting all of my new teammates (Linds included) during our gathering afterwards, and then leaving with that glowing warmth inside which I have come to associate with all of our DFMC gatherings since that very first day.  I was really excited to have the opportunity to be a part of the day for the first timers this year and help to make it as special a morning for them as it was for me a year ago.  It was funny though, as I left the run yesterday, aside from the warm happy feeling that customarily comes with spending time with my DFMC teammates, I had two very distinct and very conflicting feelings. 

On the one hand, I was overcome with jealousy of the first timers- especially those who had never run a marathon before.  While it is frightening to approach marathon training unsure of whether or not your body is capable of handling the mileage and the wear and tear of the season, there is something so nice about not knowing what you are getting yourself into.  You know what they say, ignorance is bliss.  Without knowing how much a long run can hurt, or how the chills from a cold Crossroads run won't disappear for hours, or how the blisters from your running sneaks won't allow you to wear shoes for a week, you can approach your training blissfully unaware of what you are about to put your body through.  Sure, you've heard stories, but without the personal experience you never truly know what you are getting yourself into.  Clearly, I signed up again, the bad parts of training were not nearly enough to deter me from running DFMC again, but I hate to think that I will approach any part of the experience with dread or come away with feelings of disappointment.  I know that last year there were times that I dreaded a run, but that was because I was unsure that I would be able to do it.  This year, I know that I should be able to do it- it's a lot of pressure, and I think I've established how much I hate to disappoint myself (I'm repeating over and over in my head to myself right now "set goals, not expectations").  

So anyways, while on the one hand I was jealous of the first timers, on the other, I felt completely unlike the "veteran runner" that Jan introduced me as.  Sure, I did the whole thing last year, but I certainly would never put myself in the ranks of teammates like Shifter and the other vets who helped to make last year so incredible for me.  It's strange to me to think that I'll be a fundraising coach this year (did I not mention that before?  well, I'm going to be a fundraising coach), not because I don't think that I have something to offer, but, that being said, I still sometimes feel so new to DFMC.  So this is where that whole conflict comes in- I'm jealous of the people that are actually new to the team, and yet I don't quite feel so un-new to the team myself.

But, despite all of this inner conflict, more than anything I'm extremely excited to be getting back into the DFMC season.  And, with the first timers run behind me, and Thanksgiving quickly approaching, it's time for me to get back to blogging regularly, which I will be the first to admit I was somewhat lazy about doing this summer and fall.  Let the blogging/ fundraising/ training begin!

Run Jeffrey Run

There are few people in this world that I would wake up at 5 am on a Sunday and travel down to New York City just for the day for. There are even fewer people who I would do this for only to watch them run by in a speeding blur twice for mere seconds. Fellow DFMC runner, and member of the original "best carpool ever," Jeff, is one of those people. Jeff ran the NYC Marathon yesterday, and Tyler and I made the trek down to the city to surprise our fastest friend and cheer him on as he kicked major marathon-running butt (he ran a 2:47... see I told you he's fast). It was a long, but fantastic and fun day, and it was great to see Jeff after he deserted us for some dumb job in Washington, DC (kidding, sort of... the job isn't dumb, him living in DC is). It was also great to watch another big marathon being run (I've only ever seen Boston before) and inspired me to maybe (this is a big maybe) try to run a marathon in another city (in addition to Boston) at some point. Both Tyler and Jeff plan to do New York next year, so maybe I'll throw my name in the lottery next year and see what happens (I've still got several months and a Boston Marathon to run before I make any official decisions). For now, though, a huge congrats to Jeff for a fantastic race yesterday... way to do DFMC proud!!