First Timer's Run

Yesterday morning, I was lucky enough to go to the First Timer's Run for DFMC even though I am neither first timer, nor DFMC board member, the usual attendees of this particular run.  I remember so vividly waking up that morning last year, butterflies in my stomach, driving (and getting lost on the way) over to the Mt. Auburn Club, nervously getting out of my zipcar and meeting Shifter at the end of the parking lot wearing a Holy Cross sweatshirt, anxiously putting on my running shoes and stretching out my legs for the run ahead, running the last of the run with Shifter, then meeting all of my new teammates (Linds included) during our gathering afterwards, and then leaving with that glowing warmth inside which I have come to associate with all of our DFMC gatherings since that very first day.  I was really excited to have the opportunity to be a part of the day for the first timers this year and help to make it as special a morning for them as it was for me a year ago.  It was funny though, as I left the run yesterday, aside from the warm happy feeling that customarily comes with spending time with my DFMC teammates, I had two very distinct and very conflicting feelings. 

On the one hand, I was overcome with jealousy of the first timers- especially those who had never run a marathon before.  While it is frightening to approach marathon training unsure of whether or not your body is capable of handling the mileage and the wear and tear of the season, there is something so nice about not knowing what you are getting yourself into.  You know what they say, ignorance is bliss.  Without knowing how much a long run can hurt, or how the chills from a cold Crossroads run won't disappear for hours, or how the blisters from your running sneaks won't allow you to wear shoes for a week, you can approach your training blissfully unaware of what you are about to put your body through.  Sure, you've heard stories, but without the personal experience you never truly know what you are getting yourself into.  Clearly, I signed up again, the bad parts of training were not nearly enough to deter me from running DFMC again, but I hate to think that I will approach any part of the experience with dread or come away with feelings of disappointment.  I know that last year there were times that I dreaded a run, but that was because I was unsure that I would be able to do it.  This year, I know that I should be able to do it- it's a lot of pressure, and I think I've established how much I hate to disappoint myself (I'm repeating over and over in my head to myself right now "set goals, not expectations").  

So anyways, while on the one hand I was jealous of the first timers, on the other, I felt completely unlike the "veteran runner" that Jan introduced me as.  Sure, I did the whole thing last year, but I certainly would never put myself in the ranks of teammates like Shifter and the other vets who helped to make last year so incredible for me.  It's strange to me to think that I'll be a fundraising coach this year (did I not mention that before?  well, I'm going to be a fundraising coach), not because I don't think that I have something to offer, but, that being said, I still sometimes feel so new to DFMC.  So this is where that whole conflict comes in- I'm jealous of the people that are actually new to the team, and yet I don't quite feel so un-new to the team myself.

But, despite all of this inner conflict, more than anything I'm extremely excited to be getting back into the DFMC season.  And, with the first timers run behind me, and Thanksgiving quickly approaching, it's time for me to get back to blogging regularly, which I will be the first to admit I was somewhat lazy about doing this summer and fall.  Let the blogging/ fundraising/ training begin!