The Pattern Trap

Growing up, my mom watched a lot of home decorating/ home improvement shows (you know, the stuff on channels like HGTV) and from time to time the whole family would watch along with her. There was one particular show, one particular episode of a show, I don't remember what it was called, hosted by a very effiminate man named Christopher Lowell in which he discussed the disasterous decorating faux pas of the "Pattern Trap," the continued use of one pattern throughout an entire room's decor. For some reason, I have a feeling it had something to do with the repulsion in Christopher Lowell's voice as he squealed about the horrors of the dreaded Pattern Trap, it stuck with my dad, my sister and I, and we adopted the phrase into our family in relation to pretty much anything, but usually to get out of doing things like organizing, re-loading the dishwasher, etc. (I have a feeling that most people don't have to deal with re-loading a dishwasher, so I will explain- my sister and I have never been very good at efficiently loading the dishwasher- out of pure laziness really- and therefore would often be charged with re-loading it... to which, thanks to Christopher Lowell, we would respond, "I would, but I don't want to fall into a Pattern Trap.")

ANYWAYS, I bring up the Pattern Trap because I fear that I have fallen into one- not in relation to decor, of course, but in my actions. If you look at my December blog posts from last year, you will notice that there really aren't any. And, when I finally got back to blogging in January, I admitted that between the holiday season, the frigid cold, and getting sick, I hadn't done much running (or blogging for that matter). Well, my friends... I feel a Pattern Trap coming on. This December started out alright. I managed to get in a couple long runs, kept up my fitness on the arc trainer when I was hurt. But then the holidays got into full swing- eating and drinking with friends seemed so much more appealing than running- it got cold, it snowed a lot, and I got sick. On top of all that, I didn't write one blog entry for almost an entire month. In my defense, I've been trying, at least on the running front, a lot harder than I did last year. I have at least attempted running, but being sick/ injured didn't do me many favors and what runs I have gotten in have been painful, slow and all around difficult. Overall, December has been pretty much a failure on the training front.

I wouldn't be so upset about this little slump if it weren't for the fact that I have a half marathon to run at the end of January, on which my faith in my ability to ever have another good race again precariously rests. Which brings me to yet another Pattern Trap that I've gotten myself caught in... the one where I am running really well for months leading up to a race until about a month out from race day when my legs unexpectedly decide to crap out on me and don't recover until the day after said race. I don't know if it's a mental thing, or a physical thing, but whatever it is, I don't like it.

This whole Pattern Trap thing shouldn't/ doesn't really come as much of a surprise to me. I've been the mark of consistency my entire life- caught in an eternal Pattern Trap, if you will. My life, for the most part, is based around routine, pattern, and habits (I wonder if that's why I find running with no planned route so liberating...) Regardless, I've never really seen much of a downside to my routine until now.

Which brings me to last night. I got home from the airport after my Christmas trip to Chicago around 5:30 and decided to give running another shot (I had tried the day before to do a long run and failed miserably with a brutal 3 miles). I threw on my running clothes, laced up my sneaks, and headed out the door, all the while cursing my legs, and the Pattern Traps that I had convinced myself I had fallen victim to. I ran over to the river to do a loop... undecided as of yet the exact distance that I was going to do. Laboring through the first mile, I got to thinking that maybe this run wasn't the best idea. But then, just as I hit the pavement next to the river behind the Sonesta Hotel, just past the Museum of Science, I felt my body suddenly fall into rhythm. I picked up speed slightly and was delighted to find the movements felt comfortable, and familiar. Settling into a pace that felt difficult, but not overly strenuous, I found peace in the pattern-like motions of my arms and legs. This particular pattern, though, felt nothing like a trap, but rather like a release of all of the pent up frustration and disappointment that I felt about the last month's (lack of) running.

Maybe last night's run was merely a fluke, a random good run in the midst of horrible ones, or maybe the traps are all in my head and I've had that run in me all along, who knows. But what I do know is that after all of my moaning and groaning, the tears (yes, I cried after a particularly frustrating run), the aches and pains, the sitting inside during the blizzard, and the skipping of runs in favor of holiday fun, all it took to break me of my Pattern Trap blues was a return to my old standby river loop and the rhythm of my legs finally working in harmony with the rest of my body. So, I still lost a month of decent training... there's not much I can do about that now. I can only do my best for January and hope that my body stays strong and is ready to run at the end of the month. And as for the Pattern Trap where I have a horrible time in races whenever it's hot outside... I'm already praying for a cold front in Miami on the 25th...