The Pattern Trap

Growing up, my mom watched a lot of home decorating/ home improvement shows (you know, the stuff on channels like HGTV) and from time to time the whole family would watch along with her. There was one particular show, one particular episode of a show, I don't remember what it was called, hosted by a very effiminate man named Christopher Lowell in which he discussed the disasterous decorating faux pas of the "Pattern Trap," the continued use of one pattern throughout an entire room's decor. For some reason, I have a feeling it had something to do with the repulsion in Christopher Lowell's voice as he squealed about the horrors of the dreaded Pattern Trap, it stuck with my dad, my sister and I, and we adopted the phrase into our family in relation to pretty much anything, but usually to get out of doing things like organizing, re-loading the dishwasher, etc. (I have a feeling that most people don't have to deal with re-loading a dishwasher, so I will explain- my sister and I have never been very good at efficiently loading the dishwasher- out of pure laziness really- and therefore would often be charged with re-loading it... to which, thanks to Christopher Lowell, we would respond, "I would, but I don't want to fall into a Pattern Trap.")

ANYWAYS, I bring up the Pattern Trap because I fear that I have fallen into one- not in relation to decor, of course, but in my actions. If you look at my December blog posts from last year, you will notice that there really aren't any. And, when I finally got back to blogging in January, I admitted that between the holiday season, the frigid cold, and getting sick, I hadn't done much running (or blogging for that matter). Well, my friends... I feel a Pattern Trap coming on. This December started out alright. I managed to get in a couple long runs, kept up my fitness on the arc trainer when I was hurt. But then the holidays got into full swing- eating and drinking with friends seemed so much more appealing than running- it got cold, it snowed a lot, and I got sick. On top of all that, I didn't write one blog entry for almost an entire month. In my defense, I've been trying, at least on the running front, a lot harder than I did last year. I have at least attempted running, but being sick/ injured didn't do me many favors and what runs I have gotten in have been painful, slow and all around difficult. Overall, December has been pretty much a failure on the training front.

I wouldn't be so upset about this little slump if it weren't for the fact that I have a half marathon to run at the end of January, on which my faith in my ability to ever have another good race again precariously rests. Which brings me to yet another Pattern Trap that I've gotten myself caught in... the one where I am running really well for months leading up to a race until about a month out from race day when my legs unexpectedly decide to crap out on me and don't recover until the day after said race. I don't know if it's a mental thing, or a physical thing, but whatever it is, I don't like it.

This whole Pattern Trap thing shouldn't/ doesn't really come as much of a surprise to me. I've been the mark of consistency my entire life- caught in an eternal Pattern Trap, if you will. My life, for the most part, is based around routine, pattern, and habits (I wonder if that's why I find running with no planned route so liberating...) Regardless, I've never really seen much of a downside to my routine until now.

Which brings me to last night. I got home from the airport after my Christmas trip to Chicago around 5:30 and decided to give running another shot (I had tried the day before to do a long run and failed miserably with a brutal 3 miles). I threw on my running clothes, laced up my sneaks, and headed out the door, all the while cursing my legs, and the Pattern Traps that I had convinced myself I had fallen victim to. I ran over to the river to do a loop... undecided as of yet the exact distance that I was going to do. Laboring through the first mile, I got to thinking that maybe this run wasn't the best idea. But then, just as I hit the pavement next to the river behind the Sonesta Hotel, just past the Museum of Science, I felt my body suddenly fall into rhythm. I picked up speed slightly and was delighted to find the movements felt comfortable, and familiar. Settling into a pace that felt difficult, but not overly strenuous, I found peace in the pattern-like motions of my arms and legs. This particular pattern, though, felt nothing like a trap, but rather like a release of all of the pent up frustration and disappointment that I felt about the last month's (lack of) running.

Maybe last night's run was merely a fluke, a random good run in the midst of horrible ones, or maybe the traps are all in my head and I've had that run in me all along, who knows. But what I do know is that after all of my moaning and groaning, the tears (yes, I cried after a particularly frustrating run), the aches and pains, the sitting inside during the blizzard, and the skipping of runs in favor of holiday fun, all it took to break me of my Pattern Trap blues was a return to my old standby river loop and the rhythm of my legs finally working in harmony with the rest of my body. So, I still lost a month of decent training... there's not much I can do about that now. I can only do my best for January and hope that my body stays strong and is ready to run at the end of the month. And as for the Pattern Trap where I have a horrible time in races whenever it's hot outside... I'm already praying for a cold front in Miami on the 25th...

I've been doing a lot more eating than running...

Let me first start this by saying that I love love love eating. I do it a lot, and I don't eat all that healthfully. Sure, I'll eat a salad every now and again, a few veggies, maybe some fruit, but I certainly would not call myself health conscious, at least as far as my eating habits go. My favorite food group is that tiny one on the top of the food pyramid that you're supposed to "eat sparingly," I believe they classify it as "Fats, Oils and Sweets." Yum. (FYI when I was looking up the name of the section of the food pyramid I found out, much to my dismay, that they have redesigned the food pyramid. The "Fats, Oils and Sweets" section isn't even on there! For this reason, I'm sticking with the old guide) Anyways, my fondness of all things bad for me makes my running hobby all the more convenient. I eat a lot of crap, but I run it off so it's a-okay (my doctor would probably hit me for saying that).

So this all brings me to the past long weekend which I spent in Chicago with my family for Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving, as you could probably guess, is one of my favorite holidays because it revolves around, you guessed it, eating- especially in my family. So eat I did. And not just on Thanksgiving. All weekend long I stuffed myself full of delicious food that I would never ever cook for myself at home in Boston because it involves more work than putting it in the microwave. And then I came back to Boston and it was my birthday and I ate some more, and I threw some drinks in there too because, well, it was my birthday. All of this eating, and, aside from a great 7 mile run on Monday night, very minimal exercise. I even, in an act of sheer desperation, attempted to wake up and run before work this morning. Of course, I was too sleepy and lethargic from all of the food and wine I had last night to actually get out of bed so I just turned off my alarm and went back to sleep. And now I find myself here on Wednesday, with very few prospects of times to run or go to the gym for the rest of the week, and I feel... gross, really gross.

I'm not one to stress about being fat or skinny. I, like a lot of people, had issues with weight and body image etc. at one point in my life, but, for the most part, I'm over all of that. I owe a lot of that to running because rather than worrying about what my body looks like, I've figured out it's much more important what it feels like- whether during a run or just sitting around. When I'm training or just staying on top of my running, my body feels strong and healthy. When I'm sitting around all of the time and stuffing my face with cookies, well... it doesn't feel so hot. But, the good thing about all of this is, I have the power to change it. Sure, this week is a little crazy and there isn't a lot of time to run or exercise, but I know I'll be back on track next week and hopefully back to feeling good again. Until then, I'll just have to live with feeling a little sluggish and lazy and get a run in when I get the chance... and maybe limit my cookie intake over the next couple of days...

Happy Birthday to Me

A lot of people think that voluntarily running 26.2 miles is crazy. A lot of people think that running that far as well as committing yourself to raise $17,000 is totally insane. Nevermind how crazy it is that as a member of DFMC you not only apply to be a member of the team, but you also pay money to endure 7 months of training culminating in 4 hours of pain (aka the marathon). Granted, along with the lengthy training season and brutal race, you also get training/ injury advice from the one and only Jack Fultz, a super snazzy DFMC singlet, and the chance to spend tons of time with the coolest people around- but all of that, good and bad, doesn't come cheap. So, this year, for my birthday, which was yesterday, I asked for DFMC as my present, and my dad happily obliged (thanks Dad!) May the training season be long and frigid, the beers full and cold, and the runs and post-runs be filled with fun and laughter... this is one birthday present that's going to last me all year. Happy Birthday to me.