Self Improvement

I've spent a lot of time the past couple of weeks thinking about how I'm going to train for whatever race comes next while hopefully 1) enjoying myself; and 2) not feeling like crap in the middle of the race, and I've come to a few conclusions as to how I'm going to accomplish this. Here they are:

1) Get a watch. Ever since I started this whole running thing, I have been anti-watch. At first it was because I just simply wanted to finish a marathon, I didn't need to be bogged down with the details of how long it was going to take me. And then, after I had finished the marathon and I started working on getting faster this summer, I still wasn't interested in a watch. I didn't want to become obsessed with speed and time. I just wanted to run and enjoy it, and hopefully be faster in the process. It worked at first. But the more I run, the more I realize that I have absolutely no concept of how fast I'm going. Which is just fine and dandy when running loops around the river, but not so awesome for running races. My little problem of starting too fast could be easily helped if I had a watch to tell me to slow down a bit, not to mention, if I wear a watch to train, I would actually know what too slow and too fast for me are. I realize these are things I probably should have figured out a long long time ago...

2) Have a training schedule. Running as far as you want, as fast as you want ,whenever you feel like it is fun and certainly has its merits, but there's something to be said for having some sort of plan to all of those miles. I followed a training schedule (sort of) for the marathon last year and I was in good shape for those 26 miles, I did not follow any sort of training schedule for my races this summer and, well... some of them were good, some of them were bad. Sure, not every race you train for is going to go well, but actually training for said races seems to be the first step. I think I would probably benefit from having a little structure to my training and being accountable for some runs. Of course, I'll still go on my city-wandering runs, but (and this is another place where the watch could come in handy) maybe, just maybe, having some sort of plan for mileage may be helpful.

3) Buy some new running clothes. Because everything is a little more fun in new clothes :)

4) Attitude adjusment. I have got to stop beating myself up everytime I have a bad run or race, which is easier said than done. I expect a lot of myself, and hopefully, with a little preparation, I'll be able live up to it. But all the preparation and training in the world can't prevent bad runs and disappointment from happening sometimes. So, I'm going to try to shift from expecting myself to do better to having goals for improvement. A goal is just that, a goal. Sometimes you achieve it, sometimes you don't, but in the end, if you did all you could do, you can still be proud. Sure, there will still be times when I'm disappointed in my performance, but hopefully with a little attitude adjustment I won't take it so hard and I'll be able to grow from it. Hopefully.

5) Eat healthier. By no means does this translate to "Go on a diet." But, that being said, food is fuel and this is especially true for runners. What you eat can have a huge impact on your performance. I will be the first to admit that I don't have a particularly healthy diet. I love pizza and cookies and brownies and ice cream (I tend to lean toward the sweets end of the food spectrum), but I can't help but think that perhaps my running might benefit if I included some, oh, I don't know, fruits and vegetables into my baked goods filled meals. Interestingly enough, I went to the doctor not to long ago and I told her about the muscle cramping I had had during the BAA Half, as well as the sometimes extreme fatigue I feel in my legs during runs or even just walking, and the first thing she asked me was what I eat. When I told her a typical day's meals, she asked if I took a vitamin (apparently my food intake wasn't exactly nutrient rich). So, while I am usually one to rebel against any and all advice about taking care of myself (I'm not so sure why I'm so contrary when it comes to this) I think I actually might take the good doc's advice on this one.

So, while these all seem like great ways to help me out with my running, it's really easy for me to sit here and say I'm going to do all of this stuff. The not so easy is me actually doing it all, and the jury is still out on how well I actually follow through. I am determined, though, to have my next big race (which right now looks to be the Miami Half in January) be a good one. But of course, if it's not, that attitude adjustment that I'm going to give myself sure will come in handy...

I'm a little bit country...

I spent this past weekend visiting some of my family out in the Berkshires in Western Massachusetts. For anyone that doesn't know, that means that I spent my weekend basically in the middle of nowhere. While I'm usually a city person, sometimes I desperately need to escape Boston, and a visit out to the Berkshires for some family, good food and beautiful surroundings usually does the trick. When I'm out there I typically consider it a break from all things everyday life, which includes running, but this past weekend, on a beautifully warmish-cool Saturday morning, the roads called to me and I felt obligated to answer. I chose one of the flatter roads around the area- and when I say flatter, I really mean not mountainous, because that's how most of the roads there are- and I just ran. I ran through corn fields and cow pastures, past beautiful homes and majestic mountain tops. It began to mist a bit and I couldn't help but be reminded of the race this past summer in Stowe, one of my best races all year. The scenery was remarkably similar (with the absence of all the other runners and only 5 cows, no bonus horses) and the weather felt exactly the same. And, in addition to these similarities, just like at Stowe, my legs felt like they could run forever. Perhaps this running in the country thing suits me...

Krazy gives her legs a rest from running: Day 1

Tonight, on my first day of rest from running, I went for a run. Bad idea? Maybe. But, man, did it feel great.

I don't know if this is an issue for everyone else as much as it is for me, but my mind is in constant battle with my body when it comes to running. When my body feels good, my head is elsewhere. When my head really needs a good run, my legs won't cooperate. It's only on the rare occasion that my head and my body come together, and it's on those occasions that my best runs happen. Well, tonight, my head really needed a good mind clearing run, and it pleaded with my legs to please, please cooperate... and, in a surprising turn of events, my legs happily obliged.

It was a beautiful night for a run, my ipod was on fire, and it felt as though my feet were barely touching the ground as I cruised around the river. My quad is already letting me know that running may not have been the best idea I've ever had, but the peace that I felt for that 40 or so minutes was well worth any aches and pains that I will end up suffering. It was exactly the kind of run that I've missed, and exactly what I needed to forget about Sunday's race. I can rest my legs tomorrow.

The BAA Half (I don't have it in me to come up with a witty title)

The BAA Half Marathon was this past Sunday.  It was... umm... not my best race.  On the one hand, it wasn't entirely surprising to me that it was a tough one (I didn't exactly train to run 13 miles).  So, given that, I know I should just be happy that I finished and lived to tell about it.  But the thing that did me in wasn't the distance.  I actually felt pretty okay with the 13 miles.  What kept me from coming even close to beating my last half marathon time was my own stupid legs.  Well, just one of them... the left one, the left thigh to be exact.  It cramped up on every single even marginal incline after about mile 4.  It was a hilly course.  It was not fun.  

In addition to the fact that the whole thing was extremely painful, I can't think of many things that are more frustrating than having your own body sabotage you.  When I ran Falmouth and had a bad race, I, of course, was frustrated with the fact that it didn't go well, but I also felt pretty horrible from the very beginning of the race which allowed me to adjust my goal from running for a time to simply just making it to the finish line.  The thing about the race on Sunday was that I actually felt great.  My body felt good.  My legs felt fresh.  I woke up feeling ready to run.  The weather was cool and crisp.  Everything was lined up for me to have a good day.  And for the first four miles, I did.  And then, somewhere during mile 4 or so, on the slightest of inclines, what seemed to be all of the muscles in my left thigh seized up simultaneously into one big, painful, impossible to ignore knot.  I walked for a few steps, allowed the cramp to release, and continued on my way, a little shaken up, but still feeling ok.  I approached the next hill and started up, and my leg cramped up again.  And that's when I knew it was going to be a long race.  But, unlike at Falmouth, other than my left leg, I still felt remarkably good which made it hard for me to adjust.

So, the race wasn't great.  I was pretty unhappy with myself by the time I finally finished.  Though I hadn't really trained for the distance, I had worked hard all summer to get faster and stronger and when the time came to put all of that hard work to use, my body failed me.  It was the ultimate disappointment.

I've spent the past two days thinking about the race... I've had bad races and bad runs before, but for some reason this one has really stuck with me.  Maybe it's because this is one of the first times that I've had a running goal that was ambitious, but I also felt like was really within my reach.  I know I could have beaten my previous half marathon time.  I just know that I had that in me.  I felt like I have gotten to be a better runner over this summer and I think that I wanted the half marathon to be my proof of that.  And while I know somewhere inside me that's it's only one race, and bad races happen, and one bad race doesn't negate all of the work that I've done to improve my running, in the aftermath of a disappointing race, it's been hard to convince myself that that's all true.

Needless to say, I'm a bit disenchanted with running right now.  Maybe I should take a break from it.  In fact, that was my original plan.  Once the half was over I was going to find something other than running to do for a bit, give my legs a rest for a few weeks, give myself a chance to miss running so maybe it wouldn't seem like such a chore.  It seemed like a great idea... well, until the half was actually over and I was faced with the reality that I had just imposed a break on myself from the thing that has enhanced my life in more ways than I can even count.  I had finally accepted the fact that I have, indeed, become a runner... if I'm not running, what am I going to do?? 

That being said, I do think I owe my legs a break, which I will give them.  My leg muscle cramping I'm sure was a cry for rest from my overworked legs.  But, aside from that little break, I'm going to keep running... not for speed or miles or time or any goal, but just for fun, to clear my head, to get outside and enjoy the fall in Boston- the reasons I used to go for a run, and why I started to enjoy doing it in the first place.  I think once running is fun for me again, I'll be able to get back into training and trying to improve again.  I do know that I've become a better runner already, and I know that the half marathon this weekend is not the be all and end all indicator of how far I've come (or not come) as a runner.  

If anything, the half actually has shown me how far I've come as a person.  A year ago, I, first of all, would not have dreamed of running 13 miles, but, more importantly, I would have mercilessly punished myself for the race that I ran on Sunday- mentally and physically.  Yes, I'm disappointed in my race, and yes, I've thought a lot about it the past couple of days, but the difference is I haven't been analyzing what went wrong during the race in order to punish myself, I have been thinking about my race in order to figure out how I can use it to be better- and not just better at running, but better at handling my disappointment and turning it into something positive.  That is something that my former, non-running self would have never even considered.

So, in the end, no, the BAA Half was not all that I dreamed that it would be, it was not the race I had wanted to run, and I certainly would not want to relive it.  But, despite my initial feelings of disappointment in my run, I'm not disappointed in myself.  I had a hard run but I finished the race.  I have tried to get everything positive out of the experience that I can (and written the longest blog entry ever in the process... sorry) and now I'm moving on.  Marathon training isn't too far off...